Hey guys got a serious treat for you today. Eva has taken the time to write an awesome article about girls being insecure. These are some extremely valuable insights into the way girls think about themselves. Before that though, let’s have a reminder of who Eva is: Eva Weisberg. Sexy, intelligent, Eastern European author and dating coach. She’s the rare kind of girl that can observe and elegantly describe her own, and other womens’ behaviours and reactions when it comes to how guys act around them. And she’s just published her first book.
Check out her book here: ‘Get a Girl: By a Girl’
It may come as a surprise to you guys to know how many girls are seriously insecure.Some manage to hide it, some don’t. The prettiest girls think that they’re ugly and even the model-thin have ‘fat days’! The ladies in your life constantly compare themselves unfavourably to other girls, and often those much less attractive than them. It really is crazy. We know how unreasonable it is and how it affects our self-esteem and sours our lives, and yet still we can’t stop! I wish we could, but simply telling yourself, “I’m beautiful, I’m amazing” doesn’t always work. And when it does… it’s only til the next fat day.
Girls will often call other attractive women “bitches”, “sluts”, “mental”, any kind of abuse. To you it almost certainly seems well overboard — it happens whether or not anyone’s done something wrong, and it can seem absolutely unreasonable. Indeed, to an *objective* mind, it is unreasonable. But just remember, a girl isn’t being objective when she does this. She’s trying to make herself look and feel better — to herself and to you — than the competition. She’s trying to cover her jealousy with a screen of contempt. She thinks this will distract you from another attractive woman. In pointing out all her flaws to you, real or imagined, your girl is guaranteeing that you won’t waste your effort, and that you’ll focus all your attention on *her*.
Of course, if often works exactly the opposite way round. If you want to make an average-looking, uninteresting girl seem like a beauty to a guy, I can’t imagine a better way than to act nervous and jealous around her! He’s going to take a closer look! Before all he saw was an average girl and his attention passed straight over her, but now he’ll take a closer look and ask himself, “What’s she seen that I haven’t?” And in doing so, he can often see exactly what it is made his girl react so strongly.
So it can be self-defeating — and very damaging. I’ve no doubt you know much of this already, that you’ve been in similar situations with friends or girlfriends and probably figured out a lot of this for yourself. But where does it come from?
It comes down to mental attitude, and it comes down to insecurity. I feel awful that so many of us girls struggle constantly with insecurity. Indeed, I’m working on a book on confidence for women at the minute; it hurts too much to see gorgeous, smart women hurting themselves and fuelling their insecurities so needlessly.
Having said all this, you might be asking why girls feel so insecure around guys and, especially, other women. Well, I can’t go into everything — that can fill a book, trust me! — but I can pinpoint three major reason:
1) Unfortunately, women still base much of their feelings of self-worth on their looks and their figure. This is a cultural thing, but it’s widespread across almost the entire world. It’s totally different for men, who can build their image and their sense of self-respect on work, sports and social prestige — where looks may play a part but a much less important one. Women aren’t so lucky. Before going on a date, an average woman will spend ten times as long as you do, doing things that don’t matter much, at least not to guys: perfecting her make-up and her manicure, straightening or curling her hair, and often working herself into a foul or manic mood about it, too! If her image isn’t exactly right it’s going to hurt her badly. And with the focus women put on their own looks, it’s only natural that they focus on other women’s looks… which just reinforces the cycle. It’s a feedback loop and we just can’t break out of it. We judge her by her looks because she judges us by *our* looks. And because we’re focused on our appearance, we can’t help but believe the best-looking takes all the attention.
2) It’s a related issue that because women are so obsessed with their looks, they’re very susceptible to media brainwashing — about how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear. I’m sure you’ve noticed girlfriends’ or sisters’ pre-occupation in the past. We have a huge amount of beauty-related information thrown at us every day. It’s no wonder we compare ourselves not just to other women but also to an imaginary ‘perfect image’. While you could say, “Just stop paying attention!” it really isn’t that easy. Yes, we could stop paying attention to it with a great struggle of will… and then we’d
fall behind all the other girls. And men would notice. We’d stand out, we’d be the oddball. Now that might work with some men, but it’s been my experience, both personal and professional, that it doesn’t work for *many* — and in the meantime it gains us at best the mockery and at worst the sympathy of other girls.
3) Much of our attitude and our way of thinking comes from our childhood. If your girl is from a troubled family, there’s a far bigger chance that she’ll have a collection of different insecurities. These could be anything, from a fear of being left alone to clamming up in company, or an inbuilt belief that she isn’t clever, or funny, or can’t do maths, or can’t sing… Anything at all. Too many parents don’t really know how to talk to their children. Worse, too many parents simply *don’t* talk to their chlidren! And too many of them simply don’t know how to develop their children’s confidence in a healthy way. It’s true that all of this applies to men, too; of course it does. But it only adds to the insecurities that all women feel. The pressure to be the best to get ahead in your career is immense — and so is the feeling that the slightest failure proves you’re worthless.
So, how can all this help you with women? Find out more in part 2 which I have just posted: ‘Most Girls Are Insecure: Part 2’.
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